By Brendan McLaughlin

Putting aside Michael Vick’s as of yet undetermined guilt or innocence, let us consider appropriate punishments for those convicted of staging dog fights, or training dogs for such purpose.

-10 years in prison- dog years

-Not allowed on any furniture-ever

-Community service: knitting gaily colored outfits for dogs at local animal shelter

-One hour tied to a chair, in a cell with Betty White

-Spay or neutering. One St. Joseph’s Aspirin for Children allowed for anesthesia

Doink Doink! (Law and Order sound effect)