By Brendan McLaughlin

“Thank you for your interest in patented Neuticles and the revolutionary testicular implant procedure for pets.  Neuticles allows your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem and aids in the trauma associated with neutering.”

         -Neuticles inventor, Gregg A. Miller with "Buck"

It’s no joke. The inventor of these prosthetic testicles has sold more than 225,000 pair to dog and cat owners. The cost of sparing your shepherd the humiliation of scrotal shame? Between $80 and $1,000 dollars per .. uh, package. (see sizing chart)

I caught this item in a Business Week magazine article that marveled at the $41 billion dollars we spent on our non-human companions last year.  That level of spending reflects not only our affluence, but our changing relationship to our pets- especially dogs. 

30 years ago, Barney the Beagle would likely have been purchased as a companion for the kids. These days, they are the kids.  When I was young, family pets that grew old and slowed down were taken in for a $30 dollar shot without much discussion. Today, you’ll be offered the option of chemotherapy, radiation and surgery. Think of the implications.

If extreme lifesaving measures are available for any pet, no matter how old or infirm, are you a creep if you opt to forego expensive treatment?   Is it ethical for families with few financial resources to even own a dog?  And what kind kind of pressure do clinics like Florida Veterinary Specialists  put on distraught pet owners to take extraordinary (and expensive) measures?

Personally, I think anyone who takes ownership of an animal is obligated to protect its health and happiness. But I don’t believe that necessarily means spending $10,000 dollars to add six compromised months of existence to a geriatric schnauzer.

My dog Archie still has his bits and pieces, but if it comes time to harvest his nads, I’m sure he’ll be perfectly happy with the furry little change purse that remains.